I have found the one my soul loves

"Annnndd cut"...

My best friend stands behind the camera, eyes aglow with admiration at my performance.

Just the night before we had dined underneath a string of Christmas lights, a delicate bottle of champagne, surrounded by cobblestone. Just us. Laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. Intoxicated by our friendship. We had true intimacy, it felt as if we were discovering ourselves as we discovered each other. 

But now I stand here wrapped up in this moment.

Yes, I am an actress. I know that full well. But these clothes fit so nicely. I've only seen skirts like this on Pinterest. The way my legs, my feet look in these heels! My hair, the teardrop earrings. Its all so divine. This feels like me too. I could be this character, this woman I just portrayed so well. Why cant I? Afterall, I just did. My eyes had seen it all, it really happened.

I am still holding his arm as I look back and forth between him and my best friend. A stance is present in the one I hold onto that I have never seen in my best friend. He stands straight up like marble while the other leans forward. Its like he is lunging toward me, ready to catch me at any second or even run to my rescue. One has on oxfords, the other sneakers. "I'm taking her to dinner tonight." he says. The words hit. Pain inflicts his face and mine mirrors his. "But we had plans," my friend rebuttals.

I turn and we walk away. Walking the street, things feel different. I feel higher. Everyone turns to stare. We are gorgeous and I know it. We both do. We are both the perfect complement to each other, seemingly floating whilst others are bound heavily to the ground. When we get to the restaurant  we sit with a group. Responsively, without skipping a beat or looking twice as we sit down they ask if we would like the champagne. Its a delicate one, and they say a familiar name.  "Yes!" I reply promptly, not even giving him time to respond. I know this champagne well after last night.  Of course we will. I relax a bit knowing it is on its way.

The waiter begins to spiel off the specials for the evening, but he is speaking in Italian. Myself, I only know a little Spanish so I close my eyes and listen intently. Most words are the same. "Perdon, la primero uno vez mas por favor" ,I ask. He looks at me quizzedly but repeats the first option. Yes, I heard correctly. Its papas frescas. French fries with a strawberry sauce. Wow ok.. I keep listening. He rumbles off all these exquisite sounding items and yet doesn't seem to take our order. We are seated right next to the window and so I am relieved to see these utterances become manifest in front of me. We simply raise our hand and receive them as they come. He raises his hand for the papas but as it blurs past my face the dish looks like a meal from a school cafeteria. A slice of cantaloupe, a clearly prepackaged burger patty with no bun and crinkle cut fries with a squirt of pink jelly. Its a while before anything else comes out and he has already finished his meal. I ask him how it was. He seems pleased he even leans back in his chair grabbing his waist, the universal sign for "I'm full where is the check?" Yet no one else has eaten.

I don't want this I realize. This is crap! Not just the food but these empty people....My mind goes to my best friend. Is he where we planned to be? What is he eating? I see his face in my mind, sitting in our place alone. All at once the world begins to spin around me, a sick, sinking feeling starts to come over my body. I feel panicked. Suddenly I cant breathe. I cant take it anymore! I grab the unopened bottle of champagne and run! Through the cobblestone streets and back to my Beloved. "He's all I want!", I'm screaming in my head. "Its Him!", "Its Him!" I don't care who sees me as I blaze past. I don't care how I look. I just need to be in His arms. I turn the corner and there He is. His face holds the pain and the reflection of the moment I chose another but the minute He sees me it all is erased. We run toward each other in unison and as our bodies meld I hold Him tight. I tell him everything I screamed on the way to Him. "Its you!" "I only want you!" He squeezes me back and nuzzles into my hair, "I know." "Me too." 

Why did I let him go from me?

How my heart now aches for him,

but he is nowhere to be found!

So I must rise in search of him,

looking throughout the city,